Well
I haven’t written in ages. I don’t even know why I’m writing now. I suppose, when all hope is lost, you have no recourse but to externalize your emotions. At least, it’s what I do.
So you’ve moved on. She did too. It took you less than a month. Same for her. I’m beginning to think that my long stated idea that I will always be alone is accurate. It seems that I exist simply to prepare people for their future happiness. Over the course of the pat five years, I have “prepared” nearly half a dozen people for their next relationship. All of them have at one point singled me out as the root cause of their present happiness. It’s hard to handle sometimes. It’s the kind of gut wrenching feeling that makes you want to put your fist through a wall. It’s the kind of agonizing pain that makes you wonder why you’re alive. It’s the utter defeat of watching the people you cared for find happiness anywhere but with you. It’s rough, to say the least. I look at the happy couple in the restaurant, or the picture of us from years ago, and I realise that I will never have that kind of happiness. I look at the pretty girl on the train or the cute boy on the street and I know that I’ll never have them. I’ll never even work up the courage to talk to them.
So, when I talk about my future, keep this in mind:
I will be alone.
I should not get emotionally invested in anything.
I’d like to stay a robot.
(Source: gracethenameless)
Beneath
Somehow you got under my skin You’re never letting go I can’t forget that part of me Your memory is fading now You’ve all but left my life But I can’t shake the thought of you And still you haunt my mind Floating deep inside my head Your visage stands alone Bent and broken, pale and weak Yet the image seems so strong But I will not accept you here And we will fight this every day
You will not let it go
Nor can you accept me
I’ll drive you from my mind.
Something or other
All things will come but all things go
My heart was never yours to hold
Not how I wanted it to be
And how you’ve let go of my hand
I’ll never stop I won’t look back
If you believe in me I will
I’ll wait
I’ll take
I’ll face
My fate
Relate
Incinerate me
Berate
And lose your memory
I’d hate
To know that all things fade away
When Crazy Comes to Stay »
“When the crazy comes home, I can usually feel it in my bones. It’s like standing outside in Tornado weather. You just FEEL it inside. You KNOW something is different and wrong and it’s coming with your name written all over it.
And then one day you wake up like it’s a normal day and Crazy is sitting on the counter of your kitchen, ashing on the floor, drinking that bottle of wine you were saving for your 10 year wedding anniversary, and eating your favorite cereal. You try to go about your day and Crazy is trying to bum $5 for a pack of smokes and telling you that it has 2 weeks of laundry that needs to be done. You come home and Crazy has left empty boxes and garbage all over the place and a note on the fridge saying it’s out with your friends. Your mom calls. Crazy was there earlier today and now there’s another mess to clean up.
Crazy and I are roommates. Staying medication compliant keeps Crazy off on her vacation to Europe, but she always comes home. And on the days when she comes home, she’s mostly just a mild irritant these days. The messes are smaller and easier to clean up. Back in the day she’d leave total and utter devastation in her wake - messes that would take a LIFETIME to clean up, if ever. These days, it’s just a load of clothes she borrowed from me and some dirty dishes in the sink. But I know each and every time that bitch comes home from her glamorous gallivanting across the globe. And more than anything it’s annoying as fuck to feel her coming because I never know what kind of mood she’ll be in or if this visit is going to be a minor one.”
-Anonymous on PSC
(Source: lezbeanlover)
My girlfriend...
- Me: But you know what I'm most excited about?
- Her: hm
- Me: Spending time with my amazing girlfriend.
- You'd love her. =]
- She's really something else...
- She's absolutely brilliant. I mean, this girl is just smart. Probably the smartest girl I know, and she loves to read and learn so it only gets better. And wow... she is the most beautiful girl I can imagine. I mean, if God had designed the perfect girl, this would be her. The softest hair barely covering the most gorgeous eyes I've ever soon... Kissing her lips is like nothing I could describe. And everything about her is such a perfect match for me. It's kind of insane. Like God did make her perfect, but perfect for me too.
- Her: awh
- Me: Yeah. My girlfriend is pretty awesome.
- Have I mentioned how kind she is? Seriously, I can barely believe how nice this girl is. It seems like she's always putting other people ahead of herself and making sure that people are happy, no matter what. The kindest girl I know, that's my girlfriend.
- And talk about drive and ambition. My girlfriend has both in droves and droves. She wants something and she won't settle until she has it. No matter what she has to do, no matter what it takes, she does it. And it's the most amazing thing I've ever seen. That's my girlfriend.
- Her: she sounds boring.
- Me: Naw... She's adventurous. My girlfriend lives for excitement. Everything from shopping at walmart to going to the park is more exciting with her. I didn't realise how much I was missing until I met her. And she has all these dreams about going to new places and exploring the world. It's the most exciting thing in the world, and I think she's going to let me do it with her. Beyond amazing and exciting, that's my girlfriend.
- Her: ah
- Me: There are so many fantastic things about her... I wouldn't even know how to cover them all...
- Me: But the absolute beauty of my girlfriend, is that time after time, she forgives me. She forgives me because we're in love. True, perfectly imperfect, barely able to function, constricted chest, can't breathe, pupils dilated, rapid pulse, head over heels, mad, crazy, impulsive, wild, untamed, wonderful, life altering, God approved, love. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever known. That's my girlfriend.
I felt like you should know
I love my girlfriend very much. She’s amazing, wonderful, fantastic, excellent, phenomenal, and damn near perfect all rolled up into the prettiest, sexiest, most beautiful package I cam imagine. I’m so madly in love with her, it’s kind of insane.
That’s all.